Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
