what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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