he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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