Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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