Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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