yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
