I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
