I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
