yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
