You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
