The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize