he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
