I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
