she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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