just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
