She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
