i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
