We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
