last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
