I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
