i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
