Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
