How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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