thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
