Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
