it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
