My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
