i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
