So drunk, too bad you don't want this
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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