I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize