I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
