we're blogging at a bar
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
