Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think my tv is drunk
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
