Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
