yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize