Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize