i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
