So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
