need another drink. this is the easiest way
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Even my vagina gasped.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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