I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
