All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
