im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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