hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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