The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
