but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
