Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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