THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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