my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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