i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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