Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
