no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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