So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
