I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
