My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
