I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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