So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
