You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
