i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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