He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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