How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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