in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
