I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
