drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
