Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
