Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
