Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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