My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
